Today is National Fast Food Day. Unclear how to party, I call Jeff Herman, the “Editor in Beef” at LawnStarter, a lawn care company based in Austin, Texas. LawnStarter just published a comprehensive study of the best cities in America to eat drive-through hamburgers and paper-bag chicken wings. Phoenix took third place, just behind Orlando, Florida and Houston, Texas.
I know all about diversification in the 21st century, so I don’t ask Jeff why a lawn care company reviews fast food restaurants or employs an editor, let alone one with a “funny” title. Instead, I ask him who declared November 16th National Fast Food Day.
“That’s a good question,” he replies. “It was not me. And yes, it’s not a holiday like Arbor Day, which has always been around. But today, if you look at a calendar, you can tell that there is a holiday for almost everything. We thought this was a good excuse to do a study … ”
“To promote your lawn care business?” I interrupt.
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“To celebrate fast food,” he replies.
I confide in Jeff that I am woefully unprepared for this vacation. Distracted by real holidays like Thanksgiving and Hanukkah and Christmas, I haven’t thought about National Fast Food Day. How, I ask him, should I celebrate?
“Well, I would eat in a healthier place,” he says. “Like maybe a big green salad from Salad To Go. Do you have those in Phoenix? ”
Hello I want to say. You’re the fast food chain expert here. But that seems rude, so instead I tell him that it seems disrespectful to eat healthy on Fast Food Day.
“Well, I know Wendy used to eat a triple-stack hamburger when you’re looking for a heart attack on a bun.”
I don’t know how to answer that, so I ask how Jeff’s lawn care company rated the best cities for fast food lovers over the next year. It found they compared nearly 200 of the largest US cities based on their access to fast food restaurants and food delivery services, and then looked at the quality of the food based on consumer ratings and the so-called Thrillist Fasties Awards, an award that recognizes the best burgers and tastiest fries in America.
Jeff can say that I am unnerved by the revelation that Phoenix has more national fast food chains than almost any other city in the nation, a fact that was made clear in his LawnStarter study. “You could see it that way,” he tries to reassure me. “Perhaps you live in a place where it is particularly adventurous to try new restaurant concepts to see if they fly.”
You mean like the seven new fried chickens that opened here last week? I want to ask, but I don’t.
“Do I understand that Phoenix has the most food delivery services in the country?” I ask instead.
We do, Jeff tells me. “All of the big players in food delivery are represented in your city. Maybe because it’s so hot there, people don’t want to leave the house to eat. But I’ve already been to Phoenix and you have these outdoor terraces in all the restaurants that spray you with water. ”
“Gentlemen,” I reply.
“They,” he says. “I love your masters.”
Not all Phoenix fast food news is good, Jeff tells me. “Your reviews on social media aren’t great. The average consumer rating for a fast food meal by people commenting online was 80, which could be a higher number. But then you don’t go to a fast food restaurant for four star, so I’m not sure what people are complaining about. ”
I ask Jeff if he thinks there are people who only eat fast food and he admits he does. “I think the former president ate a lot of it,” he says. “I used to do this myself, but it’s just not a good diet. I say: ‘Enjoy your favorites, but in moderation.’ ”
I know Jeff has to mow the lawn and I don’t want to keep him. I ask him if it is possible to have a so-called National Slow Food Day and how Phoenix could be on such a list.
“I don’t know,” he admits. “But I’m sure that there is already a Slow Food Day on the calendar somewhere. You just have to look. ”
How, I ask Jeff, would Slow Food Day be best honored?
“With a crockpot,” he replies.
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