Shaking It Up at the Yard Milkshake Bar in Downtown Phoenix

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click to enlarge I’ll take the shakes. Courtesy The Yard Milkshake Bar The other day I spoke to a young boy at the Yard Milkshake Bar. “What do you eat?” I asked, pointing to the towering candy in front of him. He pulled his right shoulder up to hide my view of the dessert he was tearing up. Related Stories I Support Local Community Journalism Support the independent voice of Phoenix and help keep the future of the New Times clear. “Sorry,” I said to his mother. At least I think it was his mother. His nanny? She looked like all the blonde cheerleaders who called me a fag in high school. “He’s got something with his food,” she whispered, then turned to the boy. “Derrick, tell the man what you’ve got there.” “Let the man go-oooooo!” Derrick roared, his mouth full of what looked like blue cake icing. The table was strewn with colorful cake sprinkles. “It’s the one with the brownie,” the young woman explained, then shrugged. She was sitting behind a cinnamon roll topping the milkshake in front of her. “Mine has Cinnamon Toast Crunch,” she offered, perhaps because Derrick was such a little bitch to me. “Do you want a bite?” And then she laughed in a way that made it clear she didn’t want to let me stand any closer to her, so I smiled really big and went to the counter to order. “I’ll have the one with the brownie,” I said. “And Camelback Mountain.” I blinked at the menu behind the counter. “Also the Donut Touch My Coffees and Cream.” That was difficult to say for a number of reasons. “Are they for here or to take away?” Asked the nice young woman behind the counter. I glanced at Derrick. “To go,” I practically yelled. At home, I ate milkshakes and found out about The Yard Milkshake Bar. There wasn’t much to learn; Apparently, a nice young couple in Alabama named Logan and Chelsea Green decided that milkshakes and other stuff were missing from the culinary world, and so they founded The Yard about four years ago. The franchise has grown to seven locations, most recently the one in the middle of the hustle and bustle of downtown Phoenix at 50 W. Jefferson Street, Suite 120. These are no ordinary milkshakes. These are I-just-a-pound-hashish-and-made-up-a-dessert milkshakes. If drag queens were milkshakes, they would look like the creations I brought back from The Yard. In the parlance of the Greens these are “crazy special milkshakes”. They’re served in mason jars and have cheerful names like The Cereal Killer (marshmallow ice cream with fruity pebbles, the glass of which is rolled into fruity pebbles and topped with a Rice Krispies treat made from fruity pebbles) and Cookie Butter Me Up (cinnamon in cinnamon sugar Rolled ice cream with bun flavor and cinnamon toast crunch – the greens are great on breakfast cereals – and whipped cream, in which a whole cinnamon roll has been wedged). Some of The Yard Shakes come in such vibrant colors that they can be eaten in the dark. The three ordered were delicious. Each was less of a milkshake than a soft ice cream, and despite the many ingredients, I could somehow taste every taste. The Mint Green Monster was mostly made of chocolate mint chip ice cream, the glass of which was rolled in crushed oreo biscuits. The brownie jammed on top was damp and cake-like and covered in marshmallow fluff. Camelback Mountain, a Phoenix exclusive, looked like a Mardi Gras raft but contained the simplest and most complementary flavors – orange ice cream, whipped cream, and a star-shaped chocolate chip cookie. The Donut Touch My Coffees and Cream was my favorite, although when I got to it – needless to say, I didn’t eat all of it; that would have resulted in a diabetic coma – I groaned. There was no breakfast cereal in this one, just a nice, rich coffee ice cream and even more crushed oreos, whipped cream and a dash of chocolate syrup. I took a bite of the full-size glazed donut that popped on top; it was light and airy and proof that ice cream donuts sound like a good idea but aren’t. The Yard also sells edible cookie dough and do-it-yourself milkshake kits that you can order online and make at home. That was a relief as I really wanted to try the Salted Caramel Cheesecake from Greens and the Old School Banana Split, which has a full-size banana in it. I liked the idea of ​​getting a milkshake in the mail, especially since I didn’t have to risk running into Derrick again. Kids can be such assholes when it comes to ice cream.

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